Not a Day to Remember
She couldn’t do it. She just couldn’t. No matter how hard she tried, it just wasn’t possible. She’d lost count of the amount of times she’d tried and then failed yet again. How was it possible that she just couldn’t make it work?
‘Sandra?’
She jerked her head up. ‘Yes?’
‘Are you in there?’
She could just picture him standing outside the bathroom door in his three-day old boxer shorts and grey vest. Soon he would rap the door with his hairy knuckles.
‘Tap, tap, tap.’
There it is. Soon he’ll start shouting.
‘Sandra. Come out this minute.’
She turned the taps off and the quiet filled the small dank room for a few seconds.
‘Sandra!’
She pulled the dressing gown tight around her and felt inside the pocket for her mobile phone. She quickly splashed some water on her face and reached for the striped towel, hanging on the back of the bathroom door.
‘Finally. For fuck’s sakes. What have you been doing in there?’
‘Just showering.’
‘Christ, woman, you’d think you hadn’t showered for a year the amount of water you’ve just used. Good job we ain’t on a meter.’
‘Sorry,’ she mumbled.
‘Well, piss off then,’ he said, pushing her out of the way.
She stood in the hallway looking at all the closed doors, not knowing which way to turn. One day she would send that text, or make that call, to help her get out of this miserable situation, but today was not that day. She walked to the living room, plonked herself down in a tattered armchair and flicked on the TV.
Laura Besley
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The challenge to write a piece a day is officially over. I'm so in love with flash fiction that I'll keep on writing it and hopefully still have a piece a week to share with you (my wonderful readers). I would like to dedicate some time to reworking older pieces as well as more time to writing longer pieces. Watch this space!
This week I got a mention in a local Hong Kong newspaper, the South China Morning Post! It was as part of a book review for the Hong Kong Writers Circle's latest anthology, Of Gods and Mobsters. Click here for the link.
Flash Fortnightly #16 is a previously published piece from my blog. It was popular, which is why I decided to republish it with Artipeeps! Click here for Down the Hill.
Oh poor woman, still the choice is hers she could make that move. You paint a very dull and unhappy life for her.
ReplyDeleteYes, it is her choice. Hopefully one day she'll make that call...
DeleteCongrats on the newspaper mention :-) I like the detail, the hairy knuckles and the griping about the water use. And the lassitude/depression/resignation of the woman plopping in front of the TV. I was actually wondering if she was going to murder him in the end, but sadly your piece was far more realistic than that.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your positive comments. Yes, he probably deserves to be bumped off, but alas...
DeleteYou managed to present a whole life in a few short paragraphs! Wonderfully done.
ReplyDeleteThank you! :)
DeleteI think this is the saddest thing I've read all week.
ReplyDeleteThat's good (because that's what I was aiming for) and bad (it's not nice to read sad things). Thanks for commenting.
DeleteVery poignant. I've known people in this situation. I just hope she gets out faster than they did.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately there are real people in this situation. I'm sad for the people you know who didn't get out fast enough. Thanks for commenting.
DeleteMay I suggest a re-structure? If you started the story with the 5th paragraph (She just pictured him...)and moved the first 4 paragraphs after that (with slight readjusting) this would absolutely wallop the reader.
ReplyDeleteIn my life, I've known so many abused women, and what to me seems like enough to leave never was the right transgression--but when it is the right one, they have found incredible strength.
Your character will find it too, someday.
Hey,
DeleteThanks very much for your comments and suggestion. Yes, I'll try and see what I think. I appreciate your honesty as it's good to get constructive feedback as well as all the positive comments from people!
I do hope the women you know are now safe, rather than still waiting for that moment to take the plunge.
Wow, well done!
ReplyDeleteThank you! :)
DeleteBrilliant! You can say so much with so few words!
ReplyDeleteThanks, James! :)
Delete